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Chapter 1

Some people probably waste a lot of time wondering if they are destined to lead fabulous and exciting lives. I am not one of those people. I need look no further than my first name to know the answer.

A Quick Renaissance Quiz

1. Which of the following have you never heard of?
(a) Michelangelo
(b) Leonardo da Vinci
(c) Jan van Eyck

2. Jan Miller is named after
(a) Michelangelo
(b) Leonardo da Vinci
(c) Jan van Eyck

3. Jan van Eyck is a
(a) town
(b) woman
(c) man

4. Jan van Eyck painted
(a) spectacular landscapes
(b) magnificent frescoes
(c) freaky, skinny giants with tiny heads

If you answered (c) for all four, you're batting a thousand.

Welcome to my life.

Just in case you think things aren't bad enough, you should know that Jan is actually pronounced "Yahn." The only thing about my name I'm even remotely grateful for is everyone initially assumes it's pronounced "Jan," and I don't correct them. Well, I guess there's one other thing to be thankful for. My dad is an art history professor at Columbia University, and his all-time favorite painting is The Garden of Earthly Delights, by a guy named Hieronymus Bosch.

Jan is bad.

But it's not as bad as Hieronymus.

Click here to read all of Chapter One of
Confessions of a Not It Girl.